To my Beloved Jean-Paul



Look at me.
    Oh please look at me.
        I want your eyes upon me alone.

Have I not become beautiful?
Do these clothes make me look cute?
Would he like it if I walked like this?

I still don't understand what it means to love someone.
But I've made up my mind.

I will do whatever it takes to capture his affection.

Long ago an old machine lifeform told me something:
"Beauty is what wins love."

But what is "Beauty"?
After researching the old world, I finally learned the truth.
Beauty is pretty skin.
Beauty is stylish accessories.
Beauty it looking one's best.

I will become beautiful I will do it for him.

I once heard tell of a precious jewel far to the east.
It was said to be located on a terribly dangerous mountain.
But I did not care.

I slipped on cliffs. I fell onto rocks. But eventually I claimed the jewel.

Blue stone. Brilliant blue. So beautiful.

I lost many parts obtaining this jewel. I lost... Myself.

But my wounds are badges.

There's a rumor floating around among the other machine lifeforms lately:
"Devour the body of an android to gain eternal beauty."

Such nonsense.
It's physically impossible to obtain beauty by consuming an android.

But I tried anyway.
I would try anything.
I wanted to vomit but I kept going.
It tasted like oil.

Not a moment passed where I didn't strive to become more beautiful.
But he still won't look my way.

I even tried to learn what is called a "song".
Songs can make someone have feelings for you.
That's what they say.
So I practiced every day.
But he still won't look my way.

I ate more androids. Even machine lifeforms.
But he still won't look my way.

He won't look my way.
He won't look my way.
He won't look my way.
He won't look my way.
He won't look my way.

Won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way won't look my way

He     still    won't    look    my    way

That's when I realized he cares not for jewels.
Or songs or beauty or appearance or anything else.
I cannot win his love.

Why have I done this to myself?

Meaningless.
Meaningless.
MEANINGLESS.

I gaze into the mirror. In its reflection, I see only my own meaninglessness and so I scream.

someone... please... look... my... way...